Back From the Dead

At the time of its completion, it was simultaneously the largest example of Beaux-Arts architectural styling and the tallest train station in the world.

RESURRECTION: MICHIGAN CENTRAL STATION

Having been designed by the same architects involved in the building of New York’s now world-famous Grand Central Terminal, it was, and is, simply known as “Michigan Central Station,” and while that may feel like a misnomer to those who believed its moniker to have been derived from an allusion to its geographic location within the state, or rail network, it wasn’t.

Michigan Central’s network connected Michigan to neighboring states and Canada

In fact, while some will praise him as a railroad magnate, with others chiding him as the first of the American robber-barons, the station was built to service Cornelius Vanderbilt’s Michigan Central Railroad. Also known as the MCRR, the railroad served Michigan as an independent subsidiary of the more expansive New York Central Railroad and was one of many railroads that connected Michigan to the rest of the country, and Canada.

What many don’t know, is that it wasn’t the first Michigan Central Station in Detroit.

Nearly a century before the area surrounding 3rd and West Jefferson would become the home of the Detroit Red Wings’ Joe Louis Arena, the original Michigan Central Station was erected.

Built in 1884 by the same individuals responsible for designing and erecting the Times Square building in New York, it was praised as the “Pride of Detroit,” and its Romanesque Revival architecture leant a stark resemblance to something of a medieval castle. However, on December 26th of 1913, a fire erupted, and within the first few hours it was known that the station could no longer serve its intended purpose.

Fortunately, as the demand for rail travel had grown wildly, as early as 1908 plans had already commenced to construct a new station, and less than four hours after fire ravaged the original Michigan Central Station, 5:20 PM saw a train bound for Bay City as the first to depart the new, not-yet-completed, Michigan Central Station, with the first arrival, a train from Chicago, coming only an hour later.

The Detroit Tribune would commend the railroad’s quick action, stating that trains were seamlessly arriving and departing the new station before the Firefighter’s hoses had even been disconnected at the smoldering site of the original Michigan Central Station, but it came at a cost.

What would have been an extravagant event to christen the new engineering marvel that towered over Detroit was cancelled, and the final few of the 18-floors that housed office space for Michigan Central Railroad staff as its headquarters would never be completed, still, in spite of this, the Railroad’s gamble had paid off, and at the height of its usage, the station saw more than 200 trains per day moving everyone from common passengers to celebrities, dignitaries, soldiers, and even entire sports teams as they’d travel from city to city, vying for championships, which Detroit based teams had won 19 times during the life of the station.

However, in spite of a minor resurgence in rail travel during the gas shortages of the late 70’s and into the 80’s, the prevalence of automobiles, and the advent of Dwight D. Eisenhower’s interstate highway system in 1956, had already signaled the beginning of the end for rail travel in America, and on January 5th, 1988, at 11:30 AM, train 353, the final Amtrak train bound for Chicago, departed Michigan Central Station.

The next three decades would see the once proud symbol of Detroit fall further into decay, as haphazard plans were discussed that would’ve seen the iconic station repurposed into a casino, or even a new headquarters for the Detroit Police Department, but the cost prohibitive nature of a restoration ensured that none of those concepts would come to fruition.

Having passed closely by so many times when in Detroit, I’d often taken time to snap cell-phone photos, chronicling the urban decay that possessed its own charm and beauty. I’d seen the station used as the focal point for a drift-racing event in 2013, and as a backdrop in several films. In 2015, after a freight elevator had been installed within the facility, I stood in the shadow of the building, in awe, while windows were being installed throughout the 18-story tower, a sign that many speculated it would soon be sold.

I remained optimistic, but reserved- equipped with a realistic understanding of what would be required to resurrect the depot that had found itself added to the National Register of Historic Places in 1975. Fortunately, a move that would serve to spare its demolition time and again, much to the chagrin of many in the community who claimed it to be an eye-sore.

Still, it awaited someone- anyone- to breathe new life into it, and my hope was diminishing.

That is until 2018, when Bill Ford, Executive Chairman of the Ford Motor Company, had announced that Michigan Central Station had been acquired and it would become the new headquarters for the Ford Motor Company.

Admittedly, it was a bittersweet moment for me; As a lifelong “GM Guy,” it was hard to think of this iconic structure being the headquarters for what I’ve been conditioned to perceive as one of “my” brand’s greatest nemeses, but on the other hand, having known that the previous owner, Matty Maroun, would have rather seen the building lie in disrepair than sell, I was elated that there was the potential it could finally be resurrected.

For six years, I followed along with news stories, pictures, videos, social media posts, and admired from a distance as I heard inspiring stories from within. When I’d pass through, I’d see the changes.

None of the irony was lost on me. While Henry Ford’s obsession with the railroad was well chronicled, even acquiring his own railroad, the Detroit, Toledo & Ironton, that would operate its own passenger trains from Michigan Central Station. Unfortunately, it was his product, through his mass production methodology, that would serve to help render passenger rail travel commercially unviable in the United States. The resulting decline would see the abandonment of this iconic building, however, the company bearing his name would then eventually acquire it at a reported cost of $90M to resurrect it to its former glory the tune of $950M more. Ford Taketh Away, and Ford Giveth Back?

Following a night in which a huge concert event that featured Michigan artists like Eminem, Diana Ross, and Jack White alongside the Detroit Symphony Orchestra commemorated the grand re-opening of the station; something not afforded when it was rushed into service in late 1913, my wife and I were granted the opportunity to tour the station thanks to a few lifelong friends (Thank you, Pat & Sabrina!).

A sign of technological progress and advancement over the last century, and far removed from the paper tickets once exchanged to board trains from this very station, our QR code emblazoned tickets were scanned from our cellphones, and we were granted access.

A well produced video chronicling the heritage of Detroit and its impending resurgence welcomed all comers to the grand reopening

To say it was a visceral experience almost pales in comparison to how it actually felt. As I set foot on the beautifully refinished floors, and I gazed upon the vastness from within this structure that I’d admired so earnestly from afar for years, I was overcome with emotion. In fact, at several points throughout the tour, admittedly, I wept.

As I stood in what was once the lobby of a hustling and bustling train station that saw 4,000 people pass through each day, I appreciated the beautifully grandiose musical score that had been tastefully selected to be played throughout the tour, and I appreciated it being occasionally punctuated by seemingly original recordings of station announcements, such as “New York Central Wolverine, now arriving, Track 16.”

Looking into the lobby of Michigan Central Station from the ticketing area; On display are the Corinthian columns, re-created chandeliers, hand-restored ceiling tile, and a myriad of other details all culminating in a beautiful restoration project by the Ford Motor Co.

Pausing to listen to each one, I had to wonder if they had been recreated, or if someone was able to source original announcements that would’ve once echoed throughout these same halls.

Many items had to be meticulously recreated from whatever examples could be found

On display were countless artifacts that illustrated the painstaking efforts that were undertaken to faithfully recreate each and every detail, with genuine efforts given to utilize any, and every original item and material possible.

Although a plea was issued for those who possessed any original artifacts from Michigan Central Station to return them, with no questions asked, the team chronicled how they embraced modern technology to three-dimensionally scan, and re-create whatever no longer existed from examples, or fragments, they did have.

Amazingly, their pleas would be answered as numerous items would be returned, most notably the Carriage House Clock. Although it was assumed, like much of what had been stolen, that the 700-pound clock had succumbed to scrappers, it had actually been miraculously removed by an individual who wished to save it from such a fate.

“I left it leaning against a burned-out building… between the train tracks and 4470 Lawton. Please send two men and a truck immediately. It has been missing for over 20 years and is ready to go home. Thank you so much.”

The Carriage House was somewhat of a VIP entrance for those arriving to the station by Model T, or horse and carriage

I gazed upon the clock, and again, I was overcome with emotion, this time because I felt an overwhelming sense of appreciation that there are still good people in this world who simply wish to preserve history.

As I slowly paced through the 111-year-old building, I attempted to soak in every detail. The once time-stained Corinthian columns were returned to their original beauty, and the tiled ceiling had been meticulously hand-cleaned, with 8.2 million feet of grout utilized to replicate what would have existed when the station first opened.

Message in a bottle: A Stroh’s Bohemian Beer bottle featured a note from contractors who had helped build the station

In display cases were items found within, or associated with the station- Old train tickets, railroad lanterns, stock certificates, even sections of plaster that had been preserved with graffiti intact, each of them telling another piece of the story, with one such artifact, a Stroh’s Bohemian Beer bottle, standing out from the rest. Within it was found a note, “Dan Hogan and Geo. Smith stuck this. (indecipherable word) of Chicago 1913.”

Kansas City Union Station during my tour in 2023

Still, I couldn’t help but dream. As a railroader, I yearn for any and all industry growth, and after having received an absolutely brilliant, behind-the-scenes tour of another iconic masterpiece, Kansas City Union Station, by none other than Station CEO George Guastello in 2023, I saw the historical parallel.

In Kansas City, just like in Detroit, you had an iconic train station that had fallen into disrepair amidst a stark decline in ridership with Amtrak ceasing operations in 1985. What would eventually follow, was an incredible resurgence and restoration effort to faithfully recreate Union Station into what it once was thanks to five counties within Missouri and Kansas City who voted to approve a 1/8 cent sales tax. The remaining funding required for the $250M restoration project was provided through private investors, and federal funding, with the restoration completed in 1999, and Amtrak resuming rail service in 2002.

Amtrak still serves Kansas City Union Station to this day, with myself counted amongst the more than 110,000 riders who have pass through annually.

Could such a service be restored to Michigan Central Station? Could riders soon be connected from Detroit to Chicago, or Kansas City, or New York once again? One can hope…

After nearly an hour, we made our way through the exit, passing a section that had been intentionally left with graffiti adorning the walls, which I felt was a beautiful touch to remind us, and future generations, just how far this building had fallen from grace, and how far it had come.

As a lifelong fan of Lego building bricks, I couldn’t help but adore this recreation of Michigan Central Station that was on display

I took a few final looks at the station as we walked away, and I left with a sense of pride in what they had been able to accomplish. The last time I had been this close to the iconic structure, it had appeared as if the challenges required for anyone to restore such a building would be insurmountable, but I’m reminded of another time when people taunted Ford with an insurmountable challenge.

In looking at Michigan Central Station, just like in 1966 when Ford was told there was no way they could possibly beat Ferrari at Le Mans, the Ford Motor Company spared no expense to come out on top.

Once again, they had.

Worthwhile additional Reading:
Michigan Central Station: A comprehensive history from Historic Detroit
Michigan Central Station Depot: A comprehensive history from Historic Detroit

Echoes From the Dragon’s Lair

The familiar smell that seems to accompany all Post Offices permeated the air as I stood at the counter of our local branch with my wife and daughter as we worked through our passport applications, and, in my case, a renewal. The postman behind the counter assisted my wife, and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed an older gentlemen enter the queue, and eventually make his way to the adjacent window in which he was assisted by a postwoman in what I over-heard to be his own quest for a passport renewal.

Turning to get a better look, I recognized him immediately.

“Well,” the postman began, snapping me back to the task at hand, “two of the three sets of pictures turned out alright, but one set was blurry, so we’ll need to take yours again,” he stated as he gestured towards my daughter before walking through a door that led to the Post Office lobby where the photos were to be taken.

Turning to me, my wife inquired, “Well, do you want to go with her, or stay here with the paperwork?”

I elected the former, and we made our way into the lobby where a make-shift backdrop was positioned behind a stool to allow the dull, personality muting passport photos to be taken.

While becoming lost in the surroundings as the postman made adjustments to his camera, I noticed a plaque on the wall that celebrated this building having been erected in 1986, with names of the sitting notable positions of the day, like President Ronald Reagen, as well as the Postmaster General, whose name eludes me at the moment.

As the postman wrapped up a much clearer, more acceptable image, I noticed the older man I’d observed previously walking towards the exit.

In that moment, I had two options. Either I allowed him to leave and I’d miss an opportunity, risking a very real potential that I may never see him again (let’s be real, none of us are getting any younger), or I intercept, and engage him in a discussion.

Anyone that knows me already knows that I chose the latter. I’m not a big fan of regrets.

“Mr. Moreland!” I exclaimed as he walked through the first set of glass doors that brought him into the lobby we’d be standing in.

As a bemused look crossed his face, I outstretched my hand, and continued, “Dave Foster! I was a percussionist in your classes many years ago. You were my first band instructor.”

“Dave!” he acknowledged, gripping my hand.

I appreciated the pleasantry, although I was fairly certain that my face, and name, were both likely lost in a sea of thousands of students he’d had over his several decades of teaching. With my classmates bringing up the tail end of his career, I didn’t expect that his mental hard-drive would be able to quickly access such information, but he powered on, simply knowing that I remembered him, and that it didn’t necessarily matter if he remembered me.

“What are you up to these days?” he asked.

I informed him that I’d become a railroader and held several positions ranging from Freight Conductor to Locomotive Engineer, and then made my way into management as a Trainmaster, and now a Manager of Safety and Training, I was sure to let him know that I’d continued my time on the Drumline and as a percussionist all throughout high school, and I proudly beamed that I’d spent a lot of time in a hard rock band, and that I still play to this day.

After admitting that he’d never delved into learning how to play a drum-kit due to being unable to afford one when he was younger, in spite of the prodding of his friends who believed it would be easy enough to buy his own “after a few gigs,” I shifted the conversation, introducing my daughter. I then informed him that she, too, had an interest in music as she passively dabbles with a guitar and drum-set of her own.

They passed a few words, with my daughter displaying her shyness, and eventually, identifying the subtle awkwardness that exists in a 10-year-old child, I sought an opportunity to get to the point that led me to disrupt the flow of Mr. Moreland’s day.

“Alright, so I remember in 7th or 8th grade, you had composed an original piece that we performed. I think it was called ‘Echoes From The Dragon’s Lair’. Did you ever get a recording of that? I’d love to have it…” I began.

“Ah! Yes! It was actually called ‘Sounds From the Dragon’s Cave!'” he exclaimed, as his posture straightened, and his face was illuminated with pride. “Unfortunately, we never recorded it, or produced it- It wasn’t very technically complicated, it was just a simple composition that was meant to help younger musicians learn to play together as a group.”

“Well, I just wanted you to know that- what, 30 years later? However long it’s been, I still remember that piece, and it touched me enough that I’ve thought of it for all these years.”

I saw tears form in his eyes, and his voice trembled as he said, “Well, thank you Dave. I don’t think you know exactly how much that means to me…”

He paused, then continued, “…you know, you’d never know this, but today has been a pretty rough day for me, and that just completely made my day. I… thank you.”

“No, thank you… and if you ever do something with that piece, please, let me know.”

He took down my phone number, and before shaking my hand again to go our separate ways, he looked to my daughter and said, “You know, Mrs. Murdock probably has a copy of Sounds From the Dragon’s Cave, so when you get to her class, make sure you ask her about it.”

He shook my hand, and we parted ways, both of us wearing smiles from the encounter.

After we completed our business, and the applications were mailed, we stepped through the glass doors that lead to the parking lot, and I turned to my daughter and asked her what she’d learned.

“Well… I learned that he was your first band teacher,” she said innocently.

“Well, you’re not wrong, but what I’d hoped you’d learned was that you never know what kind of a day someone is having, and sometimes, just saying something kind to them can change everything, so if you ever have something kind to say to someone- Make sure you do.”

“Yeah, that made me happy,” she replied.

Me too, kid. Me too.

Those Lazy Millennials & Zoomers!

I recently saw a post asking, “Is Gen-Z lazy for not wanting to work 40-hours a week?”

While I’m willing to bet that your first thoughts are either “Hell yes!” or “Ok, boomer…” I believe the answer is more complex, but I can empathize with both sides.

The fact of the matter is, as we came out of the COVID-19 pandemic, many people began to realize that we only have a finite number of days on this planet, and fewer and fewer people want to spend those days toiling away for the vast majority of employers that view them as expendable to begin with…

In my lifetime, I’ve been employee 039818, 16, 52, 161361 and 353, but ultimately nobody’s epitaph reads “dedicated employee,” they read things like “devoted father,” “caring mother,” or “beloved brother/sister,” so what’s the value in feeling prideful about working an excessive number of hours unless you’re doing something you absolutely love?

While I consider myself fortunate to have found a great work / life balance doing something I enjoy, I previously spent 12 years working for one of North America’s largest railroads, and although the money was absolutely fantastic ($160,000/yr for a job that requires only a high-school education), I got to hear about my daughter’s first steps, first words, and a myriad of other “firsts” through telephone conversations with my wife from a dingy hotel room. Those are missed memories that I’ll never get back, and for what? So I could buy a nice car? Have the newest cell phone? Go out to eat more than was necessary?

Thinking back further, I can still recall a younger version of myself that bragged about working 28 days in a December while I was at Guitar Center. I wore it like a badge of honor, but you know what I wasn’t doing? Spending time with my friends, and actually enjoying my life. I wore that wasted time (at minimum wage) as a badge of honor. Factoring in that that 1 of those 3 days off was Christmas, I now find it all a bit embarrassing that I had so sorely misplaced my priorities.

Ultimately, I believe we’re so brainwashed into believing that success is measured by earning potential, or material possessions that we lose sight of the fact that tomorrow isn’t promised.

We only view those that are fighting for a less-than-40-hour-workweek as being “lazy” because we’re comparing them to our own experiences- what we’ve had to endure, or the jobs and/or careers we’ve chosen, but life doesn’t have to be difficult for someone else just because it was for us, and shame on us for believing it should. 

I’d like to believe that those following in our footsteps can have a better road because of us, and as far as I’m concerned, laziness is a measure of the effort you put in while you’re at work, not the number of hours you work.

Grind all you want to, and chase that paper, but don’t chastise someone else for having different priorities than you. ♥- DMFF

Dear Harley

Bloganuary writing prompt
If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?

Dear Harley,

When I married your mom, I wasn’t a dog person, but she was a package deal, and with her, I became the caregiver for her hound dog, Jake. He was a squirrely rescue that had all the signs of having been abused as he was timid and untrusting of males until you earned it. Unfortunately for us, at the age of six, Jake began defecating and urinating within the home, and what we believed were behavioral issues resulted in the veterinarian diagnosing him with acute liver failure.

Although his mannerisms towards me made him, at times, difficult to deal with, his jaundiced eyes belied the youthful exuberance that existed in a body that had failed him far too soon, and even I, the lover of cats, and someone that claimed not to be a dog person, was heartbroken.

I held him until he passed, and cried as I gasped for air. It was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, and I struggled to come to terms with it for weeks.

Then came a newspaper article about a litter of German Shepradors about 30 miles away, and your mom was adamant that we “check it out.” 

“Grab money,” I told her, “I know me, and if I fall in love with one, I’m going to want to bring it home.”

When we arrived, there were two dogs left; You, and your brother. In retrospect, one of the greatest regrets in my life is that I didn’t adopt both of you that day, but I went with my gut instincts, and you have become the greatest dog I’ll ever have.

Although it felt much too soon after Jake’s passing to bring home another dog, I couldn’t believe how you were able to heal our broken hearts in a way that I’ve learned only a dog can.

Eventually came your sister, the tiny human, and eventually your chocolate lab brother, the lovable idiot that we tend to think you still believe is a practical joke, although you’ve embraced him, even if you obviously find him annoying.

Through career changes, familial evolutions, accomplishments, a global pandemic, ($12,000 in surgeries for your cranial c and countless losses, you’ve been our faithful companion, loyal provider of kisses, and occupier of foot-space on the bed, resulting in us sleeping with our knees in our chest, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Now that you’re 11, not a day goes by that I don’t think about the inevitable day that sees you leave this world, and no matter how much I may know that, when that day comes, it’s time for you to go, I’ll never be ok with it. You’ve been here for so many chapters in our lives, that it’s hard to imagine writing any without you.

Someday, we’ll have plenty of leg room, our wood floors won’t feature muddy paw prints, nor will they be littered with tufts of white hair that we affectionally refer to as “Harley Glitter” or “Tumble Harleys,” but I’d much rather have all of those small mementos than lose you.

So just know, that with every treat, and every belly rub, and every moment I spend with you, you’re often one of the best parts of my days, and although someday you will be gone from my life, you will live forever in my heart, and in my memories.

Until then, let’s enjoy each and every moment we have together… I love you, buddy.

The Innocence of a Child

The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and her Elf on the Shelf “Bell,” I often look at my daughter with a sort of envious admiration. Her ability to blissfully believe, and to see the good in so many situations, unjaded by the world around her, is something I genuinely miss and adore.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a pessimistic person by most accounts, but I’m also not exceedingly optimistic. For me, the glass isn’t half full, nor is it half empty, but rather, it’s twice as large as it needed to be. I am a realist. I see things as they exist, albeit perhaps with a tinge of optimistic cynicism, depending on the circumstances.

Even on the eve of her tenth birthday, I’m watching her play with Bluey figurines on the living room floor as she binge watches the award-winning show on our television, something that has become engrained in our familial subculture, often finding us all watching it together.

There’s a big part of me that remembers my own youth, in which I probably played with Lego much later than many of my peers likely did (I never stopped, actually), as well as other toys such as Micro Machines, and die-cast toy cars. 

In reading about the developmental differences of only-children in Psychology Today (which is something I have in common with my daughter), it’s asserted that certain likelihoods can exist, such as academic exceptionalism due to receiving so much unilateral attention, as well as a higher propensity for imaginative play due to not having siblings to engage in play with.

All of that seems to check out for both of us, as I couldn’t begin the count the endless hours spent cross-legged on my bedroom floor as I’d build creatively technical models out of Lego, and act out wildly imaginative scenarios with the iconic minifigures. 

As years would pass, the Lego collection would be stowed away in plastic bins (thankfully never to be sold or discarded), but I’d continue to sporadically add to the collection here and there, with much less frequency until the COVID-19 pandemic reignited my life for the colorful plastic building blocks.

Although my childhood innocence was lost well before then, throughout those years in-between, I’ve become somewhat jaded by the world that exists around us as the reality of becoming an adult have set in. Amidst all of the responsibilities of existence that everyone endures, there are also the frustrations that exist with the political and social climate as the divisiveness of our duopoly continues to drive a wedge further between not only the political parties, but also their voters. The alienation that exists is likely what precludes me from aligning with either of the two major political parties as I find them both to be fairly deplorable for different reasons.

I’ve made a career out of leading grown adults (well, most of them) in an extremely unique and demanding industry, and only in recent years have I found ways to compartmentalize how I handled situations at work when compared to how I handle situations at home. On the railroad, there was always a reasonable expectation that people adhered to a certain set of rules, policies and federal regulations, and it was my responsibility to hold them accountable for their actions, however, at home, when you find yourself striving to mold a child into a respectful, caring, intelligent being, there is no rule book- You simply must figure it out on your own, taking cues from family and friends as to what methodologies you believe will be the most effective.

However, I’ll admit, fatherhood hasn’t been an easy road for me.

Unfortunately, in the earlier years of my daughter’s life, I was much less… empathetic. Much the same as I had no rule-book to reference on how to be a dad, she also had no rule-book on how to be a child. I’d often resort to raising my voice, or yelling, to get her attention, and although effective at accomplishing that goal, in retrospect, I can’t say it was healthy, or well received, as I’d had a few friends point out that I was being too hard on her. 

It took me a while to realize how important it was that I actually take the time to listen to what she has to say so I can better understand her perceptions of the reality that exists in her mind, and to empathize with her problems, and how I can help her tackle them. This has opened up untold opportunities for dialogue to help guide her in difficult situations with kids at school, the dynamics that exist amongst groups of friends, schoolwork, sports, and the other perils of being a kid, especially in times like these.

I hope someday she realizes everything that’s gone into the opportunities that we’ve provided for her to have the childhood that she’s had, and it goes well beyond the things she has (and Lord knows she’s got plenty of things), but more importantly the things we’ve done. The hockey games, the trips to Disney World (and Disneyland in a few short weeks), North Carolina, Tennessee, the Sunday afternoons bowling, the game nights, and everything else we do as a family…

Admittedly, only recently have I begun to feel like I’m somewhat alright at this whole fatherhood thing, but I still recognize that I’ve got a long way to go to become the dad I want to be, although I think that’s always a work in progress that likely never ends, but when it comes to being a parent, as long as we’re trying our best, we’re probably doing just fine.

Check, Check 12/3, 1/23

I laid in bed for quite a while after waking up this morning, my face aglow from the dim light of my cellphone as I doom-scrolled through social media, a guilty pleasure of mine.

My head perched atop two pillows, with one slightly offset to create somewhat of an incline, I forced my neck and head into their softness, feeling the pillows give way as the sound of my spine grinding, and eventually popping, permeated through my skull. I felt the familiar clicking of my vertebrae adjusting into position radiating into my shoulders, as a sensation that I could only describe as a million pin-pricks cascaded through my right arm and into my hand.

Such has become the norm as I foray into my second major chapter of living with spinal stenosis, a condition that sees the spinal canal of the diagnosed narrow over time, resulting in neurological issues as the spinal cord itself becomes compressed.

Although in the past few years I’ve dismissed the Parkinson-like tremors I’ve experienced through my biceps, and triceps, and my decreasingly steady hands, but as the agonizing shoulder pain, numbness in my hands, and tingling in my arms set in, I had a good hunch as to the source.

In 2013, after an inexplicable onset of partial paralysis in my left arm that saw me unable to perform simple tasks, such as lifting a gallon of milk, and with excruciating pain in my neck that left me unable to sleep, several visits to my primary care physician came to a startling, at least to me, diagnosis. My doctor, who attempted to write it off as a pinched nerve in my neck due to having slept wrong, would eventually send me for an MRI, and upon calling me in for a follow up appointment, broke the news to me.

He began- “Well, David. I have some good news, and some bad news,”

Rarely taking anything too seriously, I retorted, “Alright, Doc, shoot it to me straight, how long do I have to live?”

“Well, you’ll never play in the NFL,” he quipped.

“Well shit, doc! There goes my fuckin’ backup plan if the railroad didn’t work out!” I joked back, both of us attempting to lighten the mood.

Through his thick Jamaican accent, he continued- “You have a condition known as spinal stenosis, which means that your spine doesn’t have as much room as it needs, and your C5 and C6 vertebrae have shifted, and they are impinging upon your spinal cord, which is causing the paralysis. We’re going to try some physical therapy, and hopefully that will get things back where they should be. Ultimately, you need to avoid high-impact things like running, horseback riding, roller coasters, and things like that, because they can cause complications, up to and including complete paralysis.”

So there it was. Luckily, as a rabid fan of the Corvette, which breaks up it’s generational production periods as “C1 (1953-1962), C2 (1963-1967), C3 (1968-1982),” etc…, it was quite easy for me to remember that the C5 and C6 were the vertebrae impacted.

Fortunately, through physical therapy, which saw me fumble through a myriad of exercises, deep tissue massages, and even traction, which had my body affixed to a bed while a device, strapped to my head, stretched my neck with the ultimate goal of pulling the vertebrae back into their proper position, eventually set me right. The strength returned to my left arm, as measured by a grip strength measurement tool via my hand, and by tracking the increases in weight through my exercises, and the numbness, although never completely gone, was much less noticeable, at least to the extent that I could return to work and function normally in my day-to-day goings on.

Either way, knowing I had this unpredictable ticking time-bomb that could be triggered by nearly anything, especially at work, which saw my body frequently endure unpredictable impacts as I rode on the side of railroad cars, was disconcerting. As quickly as my seniority allowed, I entered locomotive engineer training, and upon being furloughed (a common railroad industry term for being ‘laid off’), I entered management in 2016, all of which served to reduce the risk potential for triggering my spinal stenosis.

Fast forward a decade, and here we are. Likely triggered through riding rollercoasters at Dollywood over the summer (what an absolutely blast), my symptoms have returned, but reversed- This time in my right side. Luckily, this time around, I haven’t experienced the lack of grip or muscle strength that I felt in 2013, but the pain, and numbness are very similiar. 

An MRI was ordered, and the results were disheartening. The issues were now between my C4, C5, C6, and C7 vertebrae, and my spine was now arthritic. Two discs had degenerated to the extent that, although my body attempted to regenerate them, since it could not re-create Cartlidge, it created bone spurs instead. 

So here I am. 40 years old, with arthritis in my spine, and bone spurs and shifted vertebrae impinging upon the nerves of my spinal cord to trigger phantom pains in my neck and shoulders, and numbness into my right arm.

Still, I’m painfully aware that things could be much worse as I empathetically watch a close friend of mine, a former Army Ranger in peak athletic form, in his battle through Stage IV cancer, with his most recent surgical procedure serving to remove the left lobe of his liver. He died on the operating table, but was thankfully brought back to tell the tale.

As for me, it was back to physical therapy, however, this time around things would be different. As it turned out, the insurance we now carry would not cover the therapy until our deductible was met, and although it was a good sign that my family was healthy throughout 2023, meeting my deductible in the end of November didn’t seem like the greatest financial decision (hooray for the American medical system), so I decided to hold off until January. Fortunately, through the few visits I did engage in, I was able to right the ship enough to keep the symptoms manageable enough to make it into 2024.

With that said, I’m very much enjoying everybody’s highlight reels on social media as they post pictures of everything they loved about 2023, and even I have a veritable smorgasbord of highlights to be grateful for, but I’m looking forward to 2024 as a jumping off point for the next chapter of what should be, hopefully, a happier, healthier, and more financially sound me.

Oh, and my new years resolution is to entertain you all (all two of you that read this) with at least one musing per week as I explore, in raw honesty, my life, and the world around me, so subscribe to stay tuned for what is to come.

Happy new years.

TL;DR- New Year, New Me! 😉

Love,
DMFF

The Day The Skies Fell Silent

The bright blue sky greeted me this morning with beautiful rays of sunshine piercing through the gaps in the curtains as I strolled through my home, opening windows to let the fresh air fill the house.

The sound of a small propeller powered aircraft flying at low altitude overhead punctuates the soundtrack of life as the wind blows through the leaves, rustling in a natural white noise, with the blissful sounds of birds chirping, and wind-chimes crafting their natural song as they sway in the breeze.

The weather is eerily reminiscent of this day, albeit slightly cooler, twenty years ago.

On that day, which I still remember so vividly, at just about the same time, I was in second period at Swartz Creek High School, and the Football season being upon us, we found ourselves engaged in Marching Band rehearsals on the Football Field. By this time in my life, I was a senior, and our ‘Center’ Snare Drummer, but I’d become entitled, and lazy when it came to my rehearsing- We’ll call it Senior-itis. I remember looking down upon my Premier Snare Drum that lay on the freshly cut turf, it’s gleaming deep red shell glistening in the sun, perfectly offset by bright white hardware. We were the first class to have received these gorgeous new drums, part of a complete set that included tuned bass-drums as well as quads, and they were truly beautiful instruments to behold.

As many of us began to take our positions in formation on the field, one of my classmates burst onto the field in full sprint from the band room, shouting that someone had flown a plane into the World Trade Center, and that it was on the Television in the classroom. I assumed it was a mis-guided small private aircraft, like a Cessna, that had lost control, but never one to let a good excuse go to waste to abandon whatever I was supposed to be doing, I ran inside to see what all the commotion was about.

When I entered the class room, there was a small gathering of students and faculty watching the events unfold on the Breaking News story that had interrupted the regular programming.

Although, academically, the rest of the day was a blur, I remember moving from classroom to classroom throughout the periods, with rumors and spotty information swirling. We’d heard about the Pentagon, and the twin-towers collapsing. It had already been claimed that this was a terror attack, but updates passed from student to student like a terrible game of telephone, and none of us truly knew the full scope and breadth of what was happening.

In what I can remember to be the first time in my life that I’d realized the world of 24-hour news coverage meant simply being first, and not necessarily being correct, mis-information, and incorrect details were serving to muddy up the truth, and while the events that were unfolding were horrific in and of themselves, the sensationalized claims were worse.

In the hallway rumblings, we’d hear that the Statue of Liberty, the White House, the U.S. Capital, and numerous other notable buildings had also been hit. This, obviously, turned out to be untrue, but we had no way of knowing what was true, and what wasn’t.

Some class-rooms had their televisions on, with students, as well as teachers, many of whom had given up on attempting to compete for the students’ attention, fixating on every update.

I remember sitting in my fourth period Government class, and one of my classmates being nearly inconsolable after receiving a text message, something that was a new and exciting technology for us at the time, that his brother was being immediately deployed, but to where, and for what, still remaining a mystery. My teacher for that class, a former United States Marine, and U.S. Army Drill Sergeant, allowed us to discuss the events amongst one another in an open forum, helping to shift the conversation away from as much of the mis-information as he could. Other teachers would pop in and out, obviously respecting the experience of his military and government knowledge.

The bus-ride home was somewhat typical, although I can recall seeing all of the students filing out of the High School like zombies- Shell shocked at what was happening, and unsure how to process it all in our emotionally stunted, intellectually immature reasoning capabilities that were underdeveloped, yet would somehow never remain the same after that day. I took my usual seat, all the way in the back of the bus, passenger side, and slipped my Sony headphones around the back of my head and over my ears, plugging them into my well used Aiwa portable CD player (that I still have, working faithfully to this day). While I don’t recall the album, I’m sure it was something by Metallica, which was also a nickname I’d earned amongst the Marching Band for having had a collection of Metallica T-Shirts so vast that I could go several months without wearing the same shirt twice.

Getting home from school, I can remember holing up in my bedroom and gluing myself to my television set, watching the live footage as rescue efforts were underway in New York City. Slowly, reports would begin to surface about who was claiming responsibility for the attacks. New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani and U.S. President George W. Bush would both make poignant speeches from the rubble that day that elicited a feeling of patriotism, and unity.

I remember watching updates deep into the night, as the flickering light of the television set lulled me to sleep. I felt angry, and sad. Coming from a family deeply rooted in military service, I wanted revenge, and like many, I didn’t care who that revenge was carried out upon. I was just a naïve 18-year-old kid, looking for a fight to avenge a wrong that was carried out on my people.

In years since, I’ve heard people say, “I miss September 12th, I miss the patriotism, and people putting differences aside to come together” and while I’ll readily admit that I, too, miss the unity, and feeling of commonality that resulted, I just wish that it didn’t take such an atrocity for us, as a nation, to come together in support of one another. In the two decades since, war, racial tensions, concerns over how the police actually police, general political divisiveness of our inept leaders (on both sides), and a global pandemic have lead us to become the most divided we’ve likely ever been in our 245 year history.

Still, at that time, many from my generation answered the call following September 11th. Most would enter the military, and while I intended to do the same, physical ailments (mitral valve proplase, and spinal stenosis) precluded me from military service, so I dedicated my efforts to supporting my community by joining my local paid-on-call Fire Department, inspired by the 343 New York Firefighters that selflessly gave their lives in efforts to help complete strangers that were trapped in the World Trade Center.

A lot has changed since September 11th, 2001. We said we wouldn’t forget, but I believe in a lot of ways we have- We’re more deeply divided than I’ve ever seen, and patriotism feels to be at an all time low. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe in blind patriotism, nor unfettered nationalism. It’s one thing to be proud of your nation, and your government, but I don’t think we’re in a position to truly be proud of either right now, and regardless of where you stand on what actually happened 20 years ago, it’s hard not to admit that we’ve willfully allowed ourselves to be stripped of countless freedoms in the aftermath of 9/11 in the name of safety, and security (Enter a global pandemic, which has us doing that very thing yet again).

I don’t mince my words in that I still think we’ve got a lot of things to be grateful for as Americans, and I wouldn’t wish to live anywhere else at the present time, but I also don’t believe we’re perfect, and I still think we’ve got a lot of work to do to achieve the ideals that were penned by our forefathers. To that end, while many will criticize their hypocritical ways, it is the concepts they laid out, not the way in which they were executed, that I celebrate and still hope to see achieved within our nation. Most notably the “All Men Are Created Equal,” and the concept of “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

As a good friend pointed out today, I’ve now lived more of my life post-9/11 than pre, which is an odd thought to embrace, but two decades removed, it’s amazing how vividly I can still remember the details of the day that the skies fell silent.

#September11th #9/11 #America #AmericanHistory #911 #September11 #WorldTradeCenter #WTC #Terrorism

The Asterisk Years

When I was a kid, at some point during Middle School, I became a rabid fan, and player, of the game of hockey.  In those formidable years, my brain was a metaphorical sponge, and I would serve to quench my thirst for knowledge with any and everything I could soak up amongst a myriad of subjects, with hockey, and its history, being no different than the others.

7th Grade, Circa 1996

I remember looking through old trading cards, and statistics books, reveling in the athletic accomplishments of the Hall of Famers, and championship winners of days gone by, and one thing struck me as odd.  There was always an asterisk next to the year 1919 for the Stanley Cup Championship.  I would come to learn that the Montreal Canadians battled against the Seattle Metropolitans, but after the Spanish Flu pandemic ravaged the globe, leaving Montreal with insufficient men to field a team in the middle of the finals series, the season was ended abruptly, and the Stanley Cup was vacated.  This decision was made in spite of the Canadians offering to forfeit the championship to Seattle, which Frank Patrick, the Metropolitan’s owner, and Pete Muldoon, coach, declined, stating that they believed championships were to be won on the ice, and not as a result of a technicality. 

The devastation of the Spanish Flu saw roughly one-third of the world’s population infected in some capacity or another, with estimates having at least 50 million deaths attributed to the virus, and a uniquely high mortality rate for individuals ranging between the ages of 20-40, accounting for roughly half of the deaths.  The pandemic came in three distinct waves in the Spring, Fall and Winter of 1918, with the latter wave lasting the longest, and through the first six months of 1919, the pandemic had amassed a death-toll that surpassed the annual totals of 1915, 1916, and 1917 combined.  The cases eventually began to subside in the Summer of 1919 as the virus continued to mutate into less-and-less lethal iterations of itself as the hardest hit populations began to seemingly develop an immunity. 

If you were wondering what kicked off that third wave, many of the new cases followed a Thanksgiving celebration in which caution was thrown to the wind amidst relaxed restrictions in many areas due to the pushback from those economically impacted by the pandemic, such as retailers, labor unions, mass transportation providers, and entertainment venues.  Admittedly, at that time, people had much to celebrate.  On November 11th of 1918, an armistice was signed to end The Great War (World War 1), which meant that soldiers were returning stateside, with many of them being welcomed with open arms into the homes of strangers for a Thanksgiving feast, which on the face of it seemed to be a kind gesture from a grateful nation.  Unfortunately, with no good deed ever going unpunished, the haphazard behavior resulted in a resurgence of the pandemic, with many claiming that a lapse in the accuracy of reporting was breeding a false sense of security amongst the population, resulting in lackadaisical behavior that further exacerbated the third wave, likely prolonging its duration.

However, although the lethality of the Spanish Flu diminished, the virus was never truly eradicated, and in the 100-plus years since, mutations of that original strain, known as the H1N1, have resurfaced in other outbreaks, most notably in 1957, 1968 and the 2009 “Swine Flu.”

Enter: Thanksgiving, 2020.  Welcome to the era of SARS-CoV-2, commonly known as the novel Coronavirus, or more colloquially, the ‘Rona.

As I’ve continued to educate myself about the Spanish Flu, I’ve observed several parallels between the two pandemics; One of them being that the quarantines, isolation orders, mask-mandates, and shut-downs were enacted inconsistently.  They were not levied at the federal level, but, rather, left for local governments to handle themselves, which stands to reason as densely populated cities would seemingly have a higher likelihood of transmission than the sparsely populated countryside, and therefore require a different set of restrictions. 

Even the politicizing and downplaying of the pandemics bear eerie similarities, with a mid-term election held in 1918, in which President Woodrow Wilson’s Democratic Party was battling to retain power, while in 2020, President Trump and the Republicans were hoping to do the same. 

Much the same as today, many people at the onset of the Spanish Flu believed it to be nothing more than a seasonal cold, blown out of proportion, thus showing minimal concern.

In another paradigm indicative of historical echoing, during the Second World War, companies like General Motors, Ford Motor Company, Singer Corporation, and Remington Rand (producers of the sewing machines, and typewriters, respectively, for those of you that still remember what those are) took up the cause to support the war effort in producing things like tanks, aircraft, and firearms, amongst other war-time necessities.  Pennies were no longer made from copper, with the U.S. Mint electing to utilize steel, with a thin zinc coating, to spare the copper for shell casings, and other munitions.  Women were no longer able to wear stockings, instead drawing lines on the backs of their legs with common items like eye-liner to create the illusion of back-seams after DuPont had re-tooled their factories to use the nylon in the production of parachutes and rope.

My World War 2 M1 Carbine, built by General Motors in Saginaw, Michigan

Fast forward 75 years, and instead of a global war, it was a pandemic that over-took the world.  Lego re-tooled their factory in Denmark to 3D print face shield frames for the medical staff on the front-lines.  Similarly, the Evans Drumhead Company (owned by D’Addario) began utilizing the 7-mil thick clear Mylar found in their G2 drum-heads to produce clear face shields, while Ford and GM stepped in once again, but this time, they found themselves producing low-cost ventilators in an effort to help save lives, rather than pumping out devices used to end them.

Winston Churchill, paraphrasing an aphorism by Spanish philosopher George Santayana, once said, “Those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

Reports of another resurgent wave of COVID-19 positive tests, which has predictably followed Thanksgiving get-togethers, just as it did during the Spanish Flu, have swept the nation, and they will likely be further perpetuated as a result of Christmas and New Years gatherings in the coming weeks, as well.

There’s no question that history repeats itself, and we are living proof of that sentiment as we continue to pen our own chapters of the history book, almost as if they were some lackluster remake of an original, reminiscent of some lazy modern-day Hollywood-writer that appears to be plagued by writer’s block, and is looking to the past for inspiration.

A few months ago, I found myself sitting at the dining-room table with my wife, listening to music, and assembling a Lego “Creator Expert” level building set, a relaxing hobby we’d taken up as a result of the quarantines to help do our part to stay home, potentially reducing the spread, and of course our own exposure.  

A Small(ish?) Brick Masterpiece

As we passed the instruction manual back and forth after ever few steps, taking turns as we built, the conversation shifted as we discussed the social ramifications of a world gone mad amidst the pandemic.  While I’m sure many are suffering from FOMO- Fear Of Missing Out (I know I am… The Belle Isle Grand Prix and Rolex 24 Hour Endurance Race at Daytona Beach are two events I very eagerly anticipate), the potential impacts of social distancing could ultimately go much deeper than selfish frustrations.  We wondered, will younger kids become (even more) socially awkward?  How will high-school aged kids date?  What do athletics look like in the upcoming years?  A valid concern considering that, although the scholarship system can be abhorred by some, there are still a vast many under-privileged kids that rely upon scholarships to obtain a higher education.

I then looked to a different perspective.  Don’t get me wrong, 2020 has seen a world aghast as bad news story upon bad news story has perpetually hyped an abysmally depressing year, and some have been markedly more adversely impacted than others. However, we have found ourselves fortunate that my wife’s position has shifted to allow her to work from our home office, and although I still have to report to work, we both were grateful in that our positions remained “essential,” somewhat of a misnomer as I sometimes felt more like a sacrificial lamb. 

Front Line Supervisor Life on the Railroad

Admittedly, as grateful as we remain, we still miss our friends, and I miss things like hockey games and concerts, although I miss seeing my grandfather most of all, as his memory care facility has held the strictest restrictions in the area, but, as of the last information I’d received, it’s the only facility in the county to boast zero positive cases.

Nevertheless, as Rachel and I talked, I went on to say, and I’m obviously paraphrasing here, “Well, there are a lot of positives to come from all of this.  Imagine how much more we’ll value the time spent with our friends and families in the future?  Imagine how the family unit, in and of itself, will be strengthened as we have once again learned how to become families, unencumbered by plans, and social escapes.  Family dinners are a thing again, and family game nights have returned.  People are reading, working on puzzles, coloring, and generally spending time together.  Our kids, although struggling because they miss all of the elements of what it means to be a kid, are also learning to be more independent than kids in recent generations.  They’re developing this sense of self-reliance as their time management skills are put the test, and further honed through their virtual-schooling, Zoom meetings, and so on.  Parents are taking an interest in their children’s education- because they have to. People are learning to communicate with one another more effectively because they have to.  Either as colleagues, or friends.  We no longer have the luxury of face-to-face interactions, so people are forced to learn to be more direct, and concise to ensure their messages are effective.  Outdoor equipment, such as kayaks, have been sold-out or hard to come by for nearly the entire year as people rediscovered the outdoors, and dumb-bells are a scarcity as basements and spare bedrooms have been transformed into make-shift home gyms while some have made good use of their time at home.  It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, I’m aware, but there are still some things to remain optimistic about.”

To that end, I’m not naïve as to the challenges and impacts these quarantines, and governmental restrictions have levied upon small businesses and individuals, while corporations that were aptly designed to thrive in even such a scenario have reaped the benefits.  Although we’ve personally continued to patronize those local restaurants and small businesses we’ve always loved (when we can), it was still a sobering reality when the pizzeria my parents and I had frequented in my youth, closed it’s doors for good. 

We’d ordered the same pizza just about every Friday evening, Pepperoni, Mushroom and Onion, Double Crust, Double Cheese, and paired it with a glass-bottled Pepsi-Cola as we indulged while watching shows like Family Matters and Perfect Strangers on ABC’s original TGIF line-up. 

One Last Slice

Pete, (born Pietro Montini) was the owner of Dave’s Pizzeria, and he came to know my parents by name, face, and even recognizing their voice when they’d phone in our usual order.  He was always friendly, and greeted us with a smile, taking time to check in, and say hello on the rare occasions we’d actually find ourselves dining in. Pete had moved to Flint, Michigan from Italy at the age of 15, and found his niche in society thanks to his love of cooking, and more specifically, cooking for people. He’d owned Dave’s Pizzeria for nearly 50 years prior to selling it in 2015, presumably to retire, eventually passing at the age of 69 the following year.  Although I still enjoyed the pizza after Pete’s departure, it was admittedly not the same; I still remember those pizzas from my childhood as the best I’ve ever had- The pepperoni had a certain spice that I’ve never seemed to find in another, but perhaps it was simply the result of a young, impressionable mind. Regardless, you don’t often find an experience such as this, or memories like these, from a Little Caesars.

No matter how you slice it (shameless pun intended), it felt like a crushing blow as a piece of my childhood had died, another causality of 2020.

A few days after Dave’s Pizzeria, a staple of my childhood, had closed its doors.

We’ll collectively enter into 2021 with bated breath, and understandably so.  However, in spite of the challenges, frustrations, and hurdles you may have had to overcome this year, you have a clean slate, and a choice to make. You can take the simple route, and choose to dwell on how terrible 2020 was, and it has most assuredly earned its place in the history books as yet another asterisk year, but I believe that life is all about perspective.  It’s not necessarily about what happens to you, it’s about how you react to it.  How you decide to move forward from it.  Nearly every negative experience, (with a few exceptions, such as deaths) can be made into something positive, but it takes a conscious effort from the individual to find the lesson in a given situation, and to learn from it.  It may not happen immediately.  Hell, it may occur years later when you find yourself introspectively analyzing how you’ve managed to come out on top after you’ve already subconsciously put in the work. 

In my life, I’ve lost jobs, yet found a career.  I’ve lost friends, but gained family.  I’ve lost girlfriends, then gained a wife.  NONE of it was easy.   None of it was convenient.  Some of it was infinitely terrifying. Like many, I’m uncomfortable with change, however, growth isn’t about remaining comfortable.  In order to evolve, we have to learn to step outside of our respective comfort zones, even if it’s scary as hell.

Yeah, 2020 sucked, and we can’t be guaranteed that 2021 will be any better; A change in calendar won’t change the world, but keep grinding, because this too, shall pass, and I promise you’ll be stronger on the other side.

-DJF

Life Lessons While You Sleep

After an absolutely lovely evening with some of my favorite people, my wife and I made our way home, and crawled into our bed. After some spontaneous extra curricular activity, we both eventually faded into a state of quiescence amidst the white noise drone of a bedroom fan, and the flickering of a television that was displaying a show or movie I can’t recall, simply serving to lull us to sleep.

Somewhere in the subconscious, a dream was born, fueled by an evening of Jack Daniel’s and Ginger Ale cocktails, and a late night pizza.

There I found myself, in my dream, speaking to my musical idol, Neil Peart.

He didn’t appear as some sort of apparition or anything of the like, but rather as I actually remember him. Black slacks, a black shirt, his head adorned in a kufi (a type of cap worn by men in West Africa that became synonymous with Neil) and his nose with its slight reddish tint.

We were in something that resembled a massive airplane hangar, and for one reason or another, he was organizing his drums, spare drum heads, and sticks, a task that would more likely be delegated to his long time drum tech, Lorne Wheaton, but nevertheless, I volunteered to assist, to which he politely allowed.

We spoke at length about drums and drumming, and yet, sadly, although I recognize it all as nothing more than a subconscious manifestation, none of that dialogue remains discoverable in my mental hard-drive, a common problem with subliminal imaginative thoughts, I suppose.

We were standing adjacent to what I can only describe as a ‘party bus,’ white in color, and as I began filing away his drum sticks from various tours into their different designated bins, I observed the “NP” initials that were printed within the traditional Pro Mark black, red, or gold banding on the sticks, indicating these were specifically issued to Neil for touring from Pro Mark. I was in awe.

It was at this point that I asked Neil if he harbored any regrets from the life he’d lived.

He seemed a bit taken aback by the question, pausing briefly, and then growing emotional, hanging his head, and turning slightly away before responding, “You’ve got to know when to call it quits, Dave. Don’t ever forget that time is something you’ll never get back. Make sure to make time for your family.”

He then boarded the bus, and it pulled away as I stood there, alone, surrounded by all of his equipment, and it felt real, yet surreal.


Just as in life, he’d seemingly left it all behind.

I awoke, my heart racing, and I found myself in a confused stupor. 

I don’t believe in fate, nor signs, but something about this all felt so strange. So vivid. Purposeful.

These days, I’m finding myself at a point in my life where I’m beginning to come to terms with my own mortality, and this message, regardless of where it was born, felt poignant and necessary.

One thing I’ve always been a firm believer in is the value of time. You see, buying gifts for people is a wonderful gesture sometimes, but it can also be somewhat of a hollow offering; Consider that more money can always be earned to offset whatever money was spent on the gift, however, if you offer somebody your time, that’s something you’ll never get back. It simply means more.

At least to me it does, so to make a long story short- Time is an irreplaceable, finite thing, so invest it wisely.

While the rest of the world mourns the passing of Kobe Bryant, I still find myself mourning the loss of my own hero, and I quietly empathize with their pain and just as they’ll learn to do, I’ll carry on his legacy in my own way.



It should also be noted that in his passing, Neil left behind his daughter, Olivia. She was 10 years old.

“The Treasure of a Life, is a Measure of Love and Respect”

As a youngster growing up in the small community of Swartz Creek, Michigan, I can vividly recall the sounds of the progressive rock power-house band known as “Rush” filling our apartment. I’d hear the subtle static of a record player’s needle gliding through the grooves in the black vinyl of albums like “2112,” “Moving Pictures,” “Fly By Night,” “A Farewell to Kings” and “…all The Worlds a Stage” from my bedroom while my dad and his friends would play games like darts, Risk, Yahtzee, or cribbage, a fairly regional card game. I’d find myself getting lost in the synthesizers, Alex Lifeson’s unmistakable guitar riffs, the piercing vocals and legendary bass-lines of Geddy Lee, and the thunderous, calculated precision of Neil Peart’s drumming.

Although I didn’t know it at the time, what I was hearing would forever fundamentally change not only how I looked at musicians and musicianship, but also the world as a whole.

A few years would pass, and in that time we’d move twice, eventually ending up back in Swartz Creek, but this time in a house, rather than an apartment. It was there, on my 13th birthday, that I was gifted a drum-kit from my parents. It was a very basic, entry-level, jet black, Percussion Plus drum-kit adorned with flimsy single-braced cymbal stands and Zildjian Scimitar cymbals, Zildjian’s low-budget offering for aspiring drummers.

I had no idea what to do. I was elated, yet confused, and intimidated. I didn’t know the first thing about drumming, nor did I even know where to begin. Sure, I had one year of concert band under my belt, but my proficiency on the drums was limited to one snare drum, and very basic rudiments. What the hell would I do with the rest of these drums? And now there were cymbals, too? Shit.

Then my father did something I never anticipated; He sat down, and began to play the drums. Mind you, in my thirteen years of life up until this moment, I never even knew my dad had ever played the drums, so this was a fresh revelation. Instantly, he became ten times cooler, and at that point, he became my first real drum teacher.

I would learn the basics from him, and then I’d move on and begin to study the works of other drummers; Well before there was a vast plethora of visual aids from such mediums as YouTube, or Instagram, I’d simply plug CD’s into my player, don a pair of headphones, and attempt to play along with what I heard. I’d have to skip the more challenging songs, but I’d circle back to them as my skill-set improved; I’d play along to bands like Metallica, and Godsmack, Creed, Taproot, and, eventually, when my competency had reached such a level, I’d slip a Rush song into my practice regimen here and there. It was never a constant for me; I revered Neil’s drumming and artistry as far beyond my capabilities, so I’d often play watered-down versions of the pieces he’d carefully crafted, rarely aspiring to perfectly emulate his iconic style or playing. Regardless, by natural virtue of subconscious learning through pure repetition, each time I’d play a song through, I’d learn something new; perfecting drum fills, or parts I’d missed before.

Taking a moment to rewind the clock by a few decades, in the late 70’s my father was becoming an absolutely rabid fan of Rush. He’d jumped on board at the very beginning when the band was just cutting their teeth, opening for larger bands like KISS. During that time, while he was serving in the U.S. Marine Corps, he would take in concerts on the west coast, which had an exponentially broader music scene than we had here at home.

It stands to reason that for any drummer, like my dad, there’s an inherent draw to the band; Even if you didn’t care for their music, Neil’s drumming commanded respect from all of those who could truly appreciate exactly what he was doing. The proficiency, the calculated intricacies, the dynamics, the time signature changes, it’s all there for the studying, and self development.

A few years later, my parents were married, and not long after that came me. My dad fought a valiant battle in trying to name me “Neil,” but alas, a childhood promise between my mother and my uncle would have me bear the name I do.

I still remember my dad asking for Rush’s “Test for Echo” album for his birthday in 1996, three months after I’d begun playing the drums. He insisted that I listen to it; assuring me that I would have a new found appreciation for what I was hearing now that I, too, was a drummer.

He was right.

I was hooked. I listened to it over, and over, and over again, eventually “borrowing” it into my own collection (I’d give it back when I finally got my own copy). With a mere three months of drumming experience under my belt, I didn’t dare attempt to play along with it, but I was absolutely floored by what I was hearing. The thing about Rush is that they evolved with the times. Their musical style, and Neil’s lyrical writing, would shift with the trends of the day, and Test For Echo was no different, with songs like “Driven” featuring a much more driving tempo than many of their songs before it, and “Virtuality,” which covered the subject matter of how a revolutionary new technology, e-mail, was changing the way relationships were conducted.

Later on I’d learn that Neil had completely altered his playing style after studying under jazz drumming instructor Freddie Gruber, even shifting the way he gripped his sticks from match style, to traditional. I’d re-listen, and become even more impressed that Neil was capable of completely altering something as fundamental as the way he gripped his sticks, and yet he was still able to play at such a ridiculously high level. How in the hell did he do that?

Rush would tour to support the album, and one month after its conclusion, Neil’s daughter, Selena, 19, was killed in an automobile accident. Nine months later, his wife, Jackie, passed from terminal cancer just months after her diagnosis.

As would be understandably so, Rush’s future was questionable, and Neil took a leave to sort things out.

I’d still continue to listen to Rush; re-introducing myself to melodies and songs I’d heard in that apartment years ago. I’d borrow more and more of my fathers albums, interspersing them with my favorites from Metallica in the rotation. I’d study the drumming, and the lyrics. Songs like “Subdivisions” helped me cope with feeling like a bit of an outcast amongst my peers in school; I was introverted, and shy. I felt awkward, and lacked confidence. In time, although I wasn’t aware of it then, drumming would change all of that for me. It would give me a sense of purpose. It was something that set me apart. In high-school, I’d practice for hours in my parents basement, playing until my hands bled; My sticks would take on a maroon tint as callouses burst, and the countless busted knuckles on drum rims would leave spatters of blood across my stark white drum heads.

In my mind, and imagination, I was playing a private concert for all the girls I had a crush on, but was too chicken to approach- in reality, I was simply playing for me. To prove that I was meant to do this. Nearly a decade later, people would spend their hard-earned money to watch me play the drums (even playing a few sold out shows at the Machine Shop in Flint, Michigan- A modern day staple in the music scene, highly regarded by the artists who have performed there as one of the best places to play in America); Naturally, it’s something I’ve always been quite proud of, regardless of the limited success we would collectively find as a band. I still cherish those nights on stage, and the time behind the scenes, writing, and in recording studios, as some of my fondest memories with some of my closest friends.

Five years after the tragedies in Neil’s life, in 2002, the patience of legions of Rush fans were rewarded with the release of their album “Vapor Trails.”

The album released just a few weeks before I’d graduate, and I couldn’t wait to get out of school and purchase a copy from the local Best Buy on release day. However, unlike with Test For Echo, I purchased two copies. One for my dad, and one for myself. There would be no sharing this time around.

The opening track, “One Little Victory,” aptly named since it felt like a victory simply to see Rush back together, illustrated the bands commitment to growing with the times. The song started out with a crushing double-bass drum assault capable of rivaling most heavy-metal drummers of the day, and much of the album was heavier, and faster, than Rush’s prior offerings. I was absolutely in love, and I knew, after the events following Test For Echo, that if I were to see Rush, I had to do it now. I couldn’t let the opportunity slip away; After all, the future is so unbelievably unpredictable.

I begged and pleaded with my old man to get tickets, and without much convincing, he obliged. On August 12, 2002, at the D.T.E. Music Theatre, I had the absolutely life changing experience of seeing Rush for the first time. I would never be the same again. As a musician, as a drummer, as a showman, and as a fan. By this point in my drumming career, my chops had developed enough to truly appreciate what I was seeing, and it was a spectacle to behold.

At this time, I’d even begun utilizing Neil’s signature Pro-Mark 747 Shira Kashi Oak drum-sticks; They were the exact same diameter as the Pro-Mark 5A sticks I had used before (.551″) but were 1/4″ longer (16 1/4″ overall), which made them feel more balanced, and comfortable in my hands. I’d eventually shift from his signature sticks to the exact same model, but in American Hickory, due to the slightly rougher finish of the wood, providing for a more comfortable grip in sweaty hands, and a slightly lighter weight. I also never loved the idea of using sticks that beared another man’s signature, no matter how much I revered him- Perhaps it’s an ego thing, but I never wanted to portray the vibe that I was trying to be anyone but me. Now that I’m playing quite a bit less than I was in those days, and the live shows are behind me, I’ve shifted back to the smoother, heavier Neil Peart Oak sticks.

Two years later, I’d seize the opportunity to see Rush once more, this time on their 30th Anniversary Tour (“R30”), again at DTE, but as a poor college kid, I settled for a couple of tickets on the lawn. Amongst their notable classics, the band also performed a selection of cover songs from their youth, which they had also released on an EP entitled “Feedback,” and the performance was no less impactful on an impressionable 21 year old drummer.

A few years would pass, and my obsession would grow. Eventually, I’d find myself taking a job at Guitar Center, working in the drum section, and subsequently being promoted to Assistant Store Manager in a fairly short time, and although commissioned sales was most assuredly not the life for me, I’m eternally grateful for the absolute wealth of knowledge I gained in my time there. From the customers, and the star drummers that would find their way into the store when they were passing through town to play at The Machine Shop, to the instructional DVD’s that played on the TV in the corner of the drum shop on repeat.

One such instructional video was entitled “Anatomy of a Drum Solo,” which chronicled the entire writing process of Neil’s drum solo from the R30 tour I’d seen a few years prior. It was a brilliant and insightful look into the mind of the man they called “The Professor,” and it delved deeply into the how, and why, he wrote things as he did. There was always a method. Everything was written with a purpose. I’d find myself lost in that video as it played time and again, when I likely should have been doing something a bit more productive, but I simply couldn’t help it.

The month following the release of the DVD, there was a sales competition throughout all of the Guitar Center stores, with the winner of each district being rewarded with an actual signed poster from Neil that was used to promote the DVD. I had to win it. I couldn’t fail. Looking back at it now, I can’t even remember what the parameters were, but I believe it had to do with selling the most instructional DVD’s, or something along those lines.

Believe it or not, the struggling city of Flint, Michigan, home to Guitar Center Store #322, simply didn’t have the massive clientele you’d expect. It was insanely difficult to rival the sales numbers of the much larger stores, but I wasn’t going to go down without a fight.

I anxiously awaited the results, and when they were released, I saw that I had finished second.

“Fuck.”

I was defeated, and disappointed.

A few weeks later, I’d forgotten about the competition.

I walked into work, and I was immediately approached by my store manager. He took me back into his office, and handed me a cardboard tube.

“What’s this?” I inquired.

“I know how much of a fan you are, so I pulled a few strings.”

I was still confused, but I opened the tube.

Somehow, he had pulled the right strings, and he was able to secure one of the signed posters from a handful of surplus that remained after the competition had ended.

I couldn’t believe it. It was such an unbelievably kind gesture, and I was ultimately moved to tears- I had it professionally framed, matted in black, with a red pinstripe to match Neil’s drums, and it still hangs in my home to this day.

In that same year, Drum Workshop, the builder of Neil’s drums, offered a signature edition Neil Peart R30 snare drum; It was a replica of the one he played on tour. As soon as I saw it, with it’s beautifully glistening black mirra finish, and 24 karat gold hardware, complete with iridescent Rush album covers in between the lugs, I knew I had to have it. Luckily, my employee discount made it even more attainable (at the time, we were able to purchase everything at cost, but D.W. put together a wonderful ambassador program that allowed seasoned employees to purchase D.W. products below Guitar Center cost, on the condition that we kept the product a minimum of one year).

Although DW Drums would have additional offerings of various Neil Peart signature edition snare drums, I would only seek to secure their R40 and R30 editions for my collection, both are absolutely beautiful tributes to Neil, and the art and technology of cutting edge drum-manufacturing as a whole.

In the years that would follow, I would continue to evolve and grow as a drummer; Always inspired by the works of Neil- Somehow they simply never grew old for me. They never ceased to amaze and impress me. I would study his words, and grasp for understanding, even going so far as to begin setting up my drums in the same arrangement that he did, not because I wanted to be Neil, nor was I trying to emulate him, but because how he explained it just made sense. Things like fluidity of motion, and the ergonomics of playability, it all resonated deeply with me, and as I began to experiment with a re-creation of his set up, I learned that he was absolutely right. My playing became more fluid, and comfortable. I could play faster, and more accurately. It was something so unbelievably simple, but so astronomically effective that I couldn’t believe I hadn’t considered it.

Several years later, in 2010, after meeting the wonderful woman that would eventually become my wife, I was introduced to her cousin, Matt. Matt was a bit older than I was, but I would soon find out that he, too, was a massive fan of Rush, and on that mutual love and respect for the band (and hockey, and the game of euchre…) we would develop a friendship that has evolved into a brotherhood.

We’d waste countless hours playing cards, and listening to Rush. We’d eventually snag tickets to attend the Clockwork Angels tour together (16th row, if I remember correctly) and, along with my dad, and Matt’s friend Bryan, we’d all attend the R40 show together, as well (arguably the greatest live performance I’ve ever experienced in which the band started the show with their newest music, and subsequently stepped back in time further and further with each song, their stage setup changing with each era to emulate past tours, culminating in the finale with a high school gymnasium backdrop, complete with disco ball, Neil playing a new drum kit just like his 1970’s setups, with Geddy and Alex’s amplifiers propped up on school chairs, with microphones draped over the fronts as if they were playing in some high-school talent show back in 1974 again. It was absolutely brilliant)

After the R40 show, we all stood around in the parking lot, drinking beers, listening to even more Rush, talking about what we loved about the show, and contemplating the likely future of the band; At the conclusion of the show, we had stuck around for a bit, watching the visual display that was projected onto the back-drop after the band had walked off stage, and the lights came up; We didn’t know if this would be our last opportunity to see the band live, or not, so we simply sought to take it all in, if only for a few more moments; Then, the “R40” logo in the center of the screen that had hovered there for a few moments began to change. The “R40” shifted towards the left of the circular logo that surrounded it, and it suddenly read “R40+,” leading us all to believe there was more to come. At the implied prospect of more Rush on the horizon, the arena erupted in a raucous ovation from those that had remained to see what we had just observed. Was the band working on a new album already? As simple of a sign as it was, it helped us leave on a high, especially since there were rumblings that Neil was planning to retire, at least from touring.

It wasn’t long before we’d realize that it was a moment of false hope.

Not long after Rush would play the final show of the R40 tour, it was announced that Neil was retiring from drumming altogether. He was suffering from bouts with chronic tendonitis, and he was no longer able to effectively perform to the level he felt he was obligated to.

Although it was a crushing blow to the fan base, Rush had given us 40+ years of music, never settling for anything less than their best, and although many of us selfishly held out, hoping for a one off reunion show, or perhaps a studio track to leak; After all, Rush had taken hiatuses in the past; Who was to say this could be any different?

It was early into the evening on January 10th; I was going through the process of trimming my beard, preparing for a night out with my wife, and our friends, Jason and Erin. As I set down my razor, I saw the screen of my phone illuminate with a new text message.

In a group text that included Matt, my friend Danny wrote;

“I’m sorry Matt and Dave. You guys had a hero go today. Neil Peart passed away today. Well it was announced today. He passed away the 7th.”

I felt every ounce of excitement slip away that I had been feeling just moments ago for the night that lay ahead. My heart sank, and without hesitation, my eyes filled with tears.

Matt and I responded with the only thought that likely felt appropriate, and almost simultaneously; “Fuck.”

In disbelief, and validating the information for himself, Matt posted a link to the CBC news story in the group text message, with the comment; “Fuck this world.”

I just couldn’t believe it.

Immediately my wardrobe selection for the night changed; Amidst composing myself, I threw on my Rush R30 baseball jersey- It just felt appropriate, and we ventured out and did our thing, but the night just never felt right to me. There was this looming black cloud over-head, and although I tried to preoccupy my thoughts with the goings on of the evening; a golf simulator, dinner, and eventually winding up at a dive bar, I could never quite shake the sadness.

At the bar, I tried to cheer myself up by purchasing a few credits for the Touch-Tunes juke-box and spinning a few Rush classics, interspersed with other off the wall selections. Other patrons at the bar commented on my jersey; “Sick jersey, man!” “R.I.P., Neil Peart!” “Fuck yeah, man! Rush!”

Suddenly, Rush songs I hadn’t selected began to appear in the rotation, and I realized that I wasn’t alone in all of this.

As my mind would wander, I felt myself growing more emotional with each Labatt Blue I consumed, and I eventually excused myself to the rest-room, where I’d fight back tears in the bathroom stall. I just couldn’t believe that such an impactful force on the direction of my life was gone.

I pulled myself together, slightly embarrassed by it all, and rejoined my wife and friends. Rachel knew I wasn’t alright.

A much needed distraction, we’d all spend the rest of our evening playing darts, shooting a few games of pool, and eventually, we called it a night.

When I got home, the gravity of it all sank in; coupled with the inebriation, I was doomed, and I absolutely lost it. Rachel consoled me, but I just couldn’t immediately come to grips with the reality of the situation. WHY?!

It took some time, but after I calmed down, and Rachel fell asleep, I scrolled through Twitter, and Instagram, reading the heartfelt posts; Some were simple condolences, and others were stories of encounters with the man who “[couldn’t] pretend a stranger [was] a long awaited friend.” They came from music industry giants and fans alike; It was tough to see, yet it was somehow therapeutic, much like this writing. I could see what this man, this icon, meant to music, and his legions of fans. The comment from one individual read, “I can only imagine how embarrassed Neil would be with all of this attention, being how private of a person he was, but I just can’t help it.”

The official Rush accounts eventually confirmed the news to the masses;

“It is with broken hearts and the deepest sadness that we must share the terrible news that on Tuesday our friend, soul brother and band mate of over 45 years, Neil, has lost his incredibly brave three and a half year battle with brain cancer (Glioblastoma). We ask that friends, fans, and media alike understandably respect the family’s need for privacy and peace at this extremely painful and difficult time. Those wishing to express their condolences can choose a cancer research group or charity of their choice and make a donation in Neil’s name.

Rest in peace brother.”

I only assumed it was written by Geddy.

I couldn’t imagine the level of heartache that he and Alex were feeling through all of this; I understand that bond with band-mates all too well; I can’t fathom the level of connection the three of those men had, as the number of hotel nights I’d spent ‘on the road’ with my band could likely be counted on both hands, paling in comparison to the 40+ years of tour buses, hotels, and recording studios they’d shared in.

Amidst the context, I put two and two together. While I knew Neil’s retirement likely was attributed to his tendonitis, it was much more likely that the greater causation for his stepping away from drums completely was the much more detrimental prognosis of brain cancer, which also aligned with the time-line of his retirement.

Following this realization, I wondered; Did he ever regret spending so much time on the road, rather than with his family and friends, or did he live his life exactly as he’d have wanted to? I’d find what I interpreted to be my answer in his writings as I read through more posts throughout the night.

One poignant, soul touching tribute from Foo Fighters front-man, Dave Grohl, the man who inducted Rush into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, read;

“Today the world lost a true giant in the history of rock and roll. An inspiration to millions with an unmistakable sound who spawned generations of musicians (like myself) to pick up two sticks and chase a dream. A kind, thoughtful, brilliant man who ruled our radios and turntables not only with his drumming, but also his beautiful words.

I still vividly remember my first listen of “2112” when I was young. It was the first time I really listened to a drummer, and since that day, music has never been the same. His power, precision, and composition was incomparable. He was called “The Professor” for a reason: We all learned from him.

Thank you, Neil for making our lives a better place with your music. You will be forever remembered and sorely missed by all of us. And my heartfelt condolences to the Rush family.

God bless Neil Peart.”

One of the other notable standout posts came from legendary Primus bassist, Les Claypool, a friend of Neil’s, who went on to say;

“Another genius has left the planet. Not enough can be said about the talent and influence of #NeilPeart. As a musician he was unparalleled, blasting open huge doors into the realms of new percussive stratospheres. As a lyricist he was like the Ray Bradbury of rock, penning rhymes that evoke imagery both cerebral and tactile. As a friend he was a pensive, sharp-witted intellect whom I looked up to and admired greatly. I was very fortunate to have played with him, laughed with him and rode with him at excessive speeds in one of his many exotic vehicles. I’m still trying to fathom how greatly he will be missed.”

Eventually, I went on to write a post of my own on my Instagram account;

“His body may be gone, but within us all, he’ll be forever immortal. From the kid that just picked up 2112 for the first time, to the 65 year old fan that’s hearing it for the 1,000th time, and then there’s 36 year old me that’s spent 25 years playing the drums because of him… he’ll always be a part of us all, and that’s the beauty of being an icon; You may fail to live and breathe, but you will never die. Rush lives on. Neil lives on. Rest in Beats, Professor. Thanks for everything you gave to the world. It’ll never be the same without. #NeilPeart”

The thing is, being the “best” at anything in life is such a subjective thing. Truthfully, there is always someone better; Someone faster, someone stronger, someone more precise and calculated, but when it comes to Neil, I truly believe that, in terms of drummers, there is no one that has been more influential.

You didn’t have to like Rush to appreciate his abilities, and I’ve yet to see anyone utter an unkind word about the man who has been called, time and again, a quiet, gentle giant.

I could go on for hours writing about Neil, and still never come up with anything more perfect than he’s already stated himself;

I don’t regret that the ride has to be over, but rather feeling grateful for the miles traveled, for the sights along the way, and to be exactly where I am.” –Neil Peart (From his book, Far And Wide)

THE PROFESSOR (Exits, Stage Left)

Rest peacefully, Neil. You’ll have forever made your mark on my life, and the lives of countless others who are feeling much the same as I am these days. Thank you for sharing your gift with us all.

In this one of many possible worlds
All for the best, or some bizarre test
It is what it is, and whatever
Time is still the infinite jest

The arrow flies when you dream;
The hours tick away
The cells tick away
The Watchmaker keeps to his schemes
The hours tick away
They tick away

The measure of a life is a measure of love and respect;
So hard to earn, so easily burned
The treasure of a life is a measure of love and respect;
So hard to earn, so easily burned
In the fullness of time
A garden to nurture and protect

In the rise and the set of the sun
Until the stars go spinning, spinning round the night
Oh, it is what is it is, and forever;
Each moment, a memory in flight

“The Garden” Rush, 2012

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